You Might Be A Calvinist If…

Surely, you have heard some rendition of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck” jokes.

Along those same lines, I present, for your amusement:

You might be a Calvinist if…

…you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day.
…you purchased an MP3 player for the sole purpose of downloading sermons.
…you adjusted the default settings at Biblegateway from “NIV” to “ESV”.
…your preacher says turn to Obediah and you do not use the index to find it.
…you think a 50 minute sermon is too short.
…quotes from Pink, Piper, Spurgeon, or Sproul pop into your head at random times during the day.
…you are confused when someone uses the term “my Bible” as if they only have one.
…you smile, nod and hold your tongue with your teeth after a lively church service when someone says, “God showed up today.”
…you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture.
…you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture.
…you’ve ever heard a wave of groans when you refer to Romans 9.

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(And, yes, in case you were wondering, I can relate to most of these.  Oh, and if you liked this, you might enjoy this post as well.)