Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. While we were engaged, I met a friend who, at that time, had been married five years, and, it seemed like such a long time then! Now it doesn’t seem like very long at all!
The girls Bible study group that I am in is going through the book Lies Women Believe, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Last night’s chapter was, appropriately enough, on the topic of marriage. As I read through the lies in this chapter, I realized just how easy it is to fall prey to these lies if we are not constantly immersing ourselves in the Truth of God’s Word. And, I once again found myself thanking the Lord for the solid, biblical foundation we were given during our dating/engagement.
During our pre-marital counseling, I remember our pastor saying that is that it is not my responsibility to be my husband’s personal “Holy Spirit.†He already has one, and does not need another. In other words, no amount of nagging on my part will produce any significant changes in my husband. Of course this is something that I still struggle with from day to day, and probably always will. But, during our study last night, one of the girls pointed out a great quote from the end of this chapter:
“God uses the rough edges of each partner in a marriage to conform the other to the image of Christ. Your mate’s weaknesses can become a tool in God’s hand to make you into the woman He created you to be.â€
Carolyn Mahaney, in her book Feminine Appeal, makes a similar statement:
“Although we are both sinners, God is using our marriage to help us grow in godliness. In fact, our husbands’ particular sins, unique weaknesses, and even their idiosyncrasies are tailor-made for us. Likewise, our sins and weaknesses are custom-designed for them. Both husbands and wives will become more Christlike by having to deal with each other’s sins and deficiencies.â€
Jason and I have recently been discussing this idea of the Lord using our various strengths and weaknesses to sharpen each other. We are seeing just how well-matched we are for one another, and how perfectly the Lord has put us together. His strengths are my weaknesses, and vice versa. As I see areas of weakness or struggle in my own life, it is exciting to see how the Lord has matched me up with someone who is uniquely gifted in those very things! Yes, these differences in our personalities and approaches to life and problems can, and do, cause friction and misunderstanding. But these are the “rough edges†that will eventually, Lord-willing, cause us to look and act more like Christ!
Jason was given a test on our wedding day. (And, yes, he passed!) Our pastor asked him to remember what his three responsibilities would be as a husband. He did his homework, and gave the correct answer: Love her, Learn her, and Lead her. While these were specific to his role as a husband, I do think that the loving and learning parts are just as necessary for the wife as well. Marriage is a lifetime process of loving and learning one another. Steven Curtis Chapman is probably my favorite singer/songwriter. On almost all of his albums he includes a special song for his wife, and a few years ago, he produced an entire album just for her! But, I love this song from his “Heaven In The Real World†album, and I think the title says it all – Love and Learn.
Love and Learn
Written by Steven Curtis Chapman
Echoes of careless words and slamming doors
Are still ringing in the night
I’ve taken my side and you’ve taken yours
We’re both wrong and we’re both right
Once again misunderstanding has turned us into enemies
I will forgive you, will you forgive me
Love and learn, that’s what we will do
Love and learn through the flood and through the flame
This world will turn and the seasons will change
But there’s nothing we can’t get through
As long as we both hold on to the hand of God and each other
And take a lifetime to love and learn
We start out believing we know love so well
But through the years we find
True love is a story only time can tell
And God has made this lifetime yours and mine to
Love and learn, that’s what we will do
Love and learn through the flood and through the flame
This world will turn and the seasons will change
But there’s nothing we can’t get through
As long as we both hold on to the hand of God and each other
And take a lifetime to love and learn
So until that day when one of us
Has to lay the other in the arms of Jesus
I will be with you and you will be with me to
Love and learn, that’s what we will do
Love and learn through the flood and through the flame
This world will turn and the seasons will change
But there’s nothing we can’t get through
As long as we both hold on to the hand of God and each other
And take a lifetime to love and learn