Known in the Gates

Although I fully intended to continue this “series” shortly after I started it, the time frame has now stretched from a few days to a few weeks.  I suppose I could just forget about it, because, by now, everyone else probably has. But, it is a topic that I still feel needs to be addressed, so I am going to continue on with it. 

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A few weeks ago, I posted (here) about how our online conversation can either exhibit “the works of the flesh” or, “what is proper for women who profess godliness”.

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Today, I want to look specifically at how “women who profess godliness” are actually professing something entirely different in their online communication.

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“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” ~Ephesians 5:33

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Occasionally, I will see a woman post something praising, thanking, or encouraging her husband.  One sweet older lady (in the Titus 2:3 sense) I know has purposed to intentionally look for her husband’s good and exemplary qualities, so that she can thank him publicly (online).  I have seen other women occasionally thank their husband for a sweet gesture (alone time, taking care of the kids, cleaning out the garage), or gift (birthday, anniversary, or no-special-occasion).  Some will post kind words about their husband’s character, or simply say, publicly, “I love you.”

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All of this is wonderful.  But, sadly, it is not the norm.

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Instead, daily status updates and tweets chronicle a much different version of marriage.  Every disagreement, every bad day, and (way!) “too much information” is shared over these social networking sites.

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Some ladies post humorously veiled jabs at husbands who “forgot to take out the trash…again!”  Dads who do not want to get up in the middle of the night are publicly shamed, as their wife “jokes” that “the baby would starve if his father was in charge of midnight feedings!”  Others get a little snarky about how daddy is “just another one of the kids that I have to clean up after.”  Of course, most usually include the obligatory smiley face, “LOL,” or “Just kidding!” to indicate that the statement was made in jest. 

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But, frankly, I don’t care whether the statement was made in jest or not.  I do not find remarks like this the least bit funny.  Because, instead of respecting, and publicly building up and praising our husbands, posts like this insinuate that the man many women refer to as “handsome husband” (HH) or “dear husband”(DH) online, is, in actuality, an insensitive, incompetent, lazy…well, jerk.

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Am I wrong?

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“Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” ~Proverbs 31:23

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Have you ever stopped to think about your husband’s reputation among your online following? 

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We may not have city gates, but our husbands are known among our internet followers…for better or worse.  What we say has a direct impact on how others perceive him.  In real life, your husband may be a great guy – a strong spiritual leader, a hard worker, attentive to you and the kids.  But, many (maybe even most) of your followers may not know him in real life.  So, they never get to see those great qualities.  All they know – all you ever tell them – is the negative. 

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Maybe your list of online followers does include real-life friends.  And, just because I feel like picking on people today, pastor’s wives, do your followers include members of your congregation?

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Online communities, while offering a sense of camaraderie and fellowship, can also create a perceived sense of anonymity, and an “escape” from reality.  So, it may be tempting to forget that, not only are we are writing about real people.  But, other real people are reading our words.  Even within our virtual worlds, there are still real-life consequences – all the more reason to be circumspect and discreet in our online “speech.” 

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Personally, I find it very difficult to believe the woman who is hanging on her husband’s arm on Sunday morning, gushing about how wonderful he is, when throughout the week, she has posted nothing but “jokes” (at his expense) and mean-spirited, snarky comments concerning his attitude, his character, and his work ethic. 

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Of course, some women go to the opposite extreme.  Technically, I suppose you could say that their comments are positive.  But, I have found myself thoroughly embarrassed – both for them and their husbands, by the sheer amount of private information that they are willing to divulge about…their…how can I say this discreetly?…marriage relationship.  Yet another awkward Sunday morning scenario in the making….  While I’m glad you have a healthy relationship, no one needs all the details.

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Think about it:

Does your husband have reason to be embarrassed and ashamed because of what you have said about him, or about your relationship in your various online forums? 
Or, is your husband confident that you are “do[ing] him good and not harm” (Prov. 31:12) in what you share about him online?

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Stay tuned…there is more to come!